Storm's Front

Hello friends and lovers! Due to the current, appalling hate filled climate out there, I am compelled to start dispatching what I can from here (The Road, my home) to shed light, to rant, and to hopefully make a few people laugh. Yes, it will get political. We’re in the midst of a Real Naked And Afraid Housewives Of Dance Moms On Survivor So You Think You Can Run A Country type of reality shit show, and I am genuinely concerned. And as a straight up fuck you to the white supremacy group Storm Front, I will call this blog, “Storm’s Front”.

For those of you all frothy about the state of things, please hang out. For the rest who gnash their teeth at musicians and other mouthy type artists getting into the fray with opinion and concern… .go back to your happy place. I start with one of you, here:


That was a message I received from an irate former fan. From a guy who used to always complement my appearance and voice. But he didn’t like it, NOT ONE BIT, when I ranted about The Donald and his KKK amnesia, and general douchebaggery. I sent a gentle “fuck you, bye” to the offending/offended former fan, and then I blocked him.

Yeah, I blocked him… pussy move, maybe, but fuck that. Some people enjoy engaging with hateful trolls online. Not me. I’ve had intense debates and enlightening exchanges with strangers online, but I’m too sensitive to go arguing with anonymous dipshits online, whose sole objective is to spooge their hate jizz all over the place. You go ahead and do 140 character battle with those screaming ass sores, I’ll be over here, down some happy ‘Brian May riffs’ rabbit hole, watching porn or learning how my elbow pain is actually cancer.

Don’t get me wrong, I will bust your fucking head open on a table and kick your unconscious body around in front of your screaming girlfriend in a bar fight. But, in general, I’m a big softie. Ask anyone.

Though not nearly as constantly as other notable women online, I get my fair share of sexist insults… like this DUMB CUNT guy. But despite all my pro choice, pro gay, anti gun yet pro cop, and pro Black Lives Matter very, VERY anti Trump… and various other commie, sensibly leftist rants… I’ve only received a handful of death threats. I’ve been called any number of awful things, and told any number of awful places to go. Big deal. But this DUMB CUNT was a head scratcher.

Maybe it’s the missing comma.

Being dumb about commas is upsetting to me. Like the over use of acronyms upsets me. Especially when you are at your computer, with its generous button-y qwerty keyboard. Using shorthand on your phone makes sense, in some cases, but if you are on your computer, yet STILL can’t even get all the way to the end of the already tiny fucking words you’re abbreviating, without needing a Redbull or someone to notice your fucking hair, you, my friend, are a dick. So comma ignorance and over abbreviasche=upsetting.

SHUT UP AND SING YOU DUMB CUNT, of course, should be, “Shut up and sing, you dumb cunt.” Ouch, right?! Even when I write it that way, it insults the shit out of me. Take away the comma, though, and it suggests, ‘Hey YOU! Stop making noise with your mouth hole, yet somehow still sing that song called “You Dumb Cunt”’.

Wait… Is there a song called “You Dumb Cunt.”? If not, I’ll get right on that… can’t you already hear a “Three Blind Mice” melody? You-dumb-cunt! You-dumb-cunt! Shut-up-and-sing! You-dumb-cunt!

The whole phrase, “SHUT UP AND SING YOU DUMB CUNT “ (written in all caps for emphasis, suggesting size, girth and volume) is so funny and odd. Firstly: SHUT UP AND SING makes no sense, for obvious reasons mentioned above.

Now, had he said “GET LOST” or “GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC” that would make way more sense, because the imperative is for the insultee (me) to go away, thus no longer upsetting nor offending the insultor (DUMB CUNT GUY). It also suggests (or subtly hopes) that the insultee will die in an accident or go be murdered, so they no longer exist at all. “FUCK OFF” and “GO FUCK YOURSELF” are more commonly used as an emphasis to shutting up, but they’ve always been less clear to me, Simply because most of us love fucking. And ‘Fucking off’ is how most of us spend time on the internet in the first place. We fuck off online instead of working. So telling someone to fuck off is like saying, “CUTEST SLOTH MEMES!” or “GOOGLE ‘SEGWAY FAILS’!”

And fucking myself was how I learned how TO fuck… something I am now awesome at.

SHUT UP AND SING!? I don’t know if you’ve ever heard me sing, but I’m actually quite good… awesome, in fact. The insulting all-capsy ex fan would even admit that… so it’s hilarious that he would tell me to go do the other thing I am awesome at, as a means to vehemently disagree with my opinion. Also, besides being a good singer, I am incredibly loud. Like, Bruce Dickinson loud. So hating my opinion that bigotry is not a great platform for any elected office, and expressing said hatred by yelling at me, in all caps, to go be awesome AND loud… is my favorite flavor of dumb.

My anti bigotry pro abortion tree hugging cop loving sin living smell my finger opinions are naturally loud as holy fuck in my walk-a-day life, but when I sing?

Standing at an elevated position on stage, my lips painted war red, my tits primed forward like battleships, my whole self lit and shining like a flag flapping over a free country, I sing into a microphone that turns me up to eleven and BOOM. I am a super power. I am influential. I am an agent of change.

I work big, dark rooms, ripe with the attention of thousands of hungry strangers, and I win. Music is a magical thing. Doesn’t matter if you are religious or atheist, liberal, conservative, moderate… even if you’re a fucking troll… . music has done magical things for you and your life. And I get to make it. Maybe that’s why artists get yelled at for being openly opinionated. Because people listen to us more than they listen to you, flicking boogers at the rest of us from some corner of your shitty life.

In closing, I sing, YOU shut up. (…the DUMB CUNT is silent.)



  1. You are so fucking awesome. I love that while ripping this troll a new one, you took the time to critique his grammar. As with people I know in real life (see how I typed the whole words there? And I’m on my phone!), I don’t necessarily have to agree with you, but I do respect your conviction. More people need to stand up for what they believe.

  2. As a fan who would Marry you in a heartbeat( even though I know you are spoken for), I can understand this guys anger.And bfore you dismiss me you should know we have ALOT more in common than you would think if you got to know me. He had no right to call you the lovely “c” word, it is just sadly, and while you probably don’t even think about it/ your political views, while you are entitled to how you feel are wrong in regards to Trump. Yes, he has funny hair, Trophy wife, and a bit of a braggart, etc. but he is the only candidate who is actually speaking the truth about many things. He never said he hates Mexicans. Wwhat he ACTUALLY said was Mexico is bringing over criminals, drug dealers, etc. And he said he also presumes that there are some good people as well. Does that sound like ALL Mexicans are bad people? No. And he wanted a TEMPORARY ban on Muslims entering the country. “Temporary” as in “for now” because our border security is lax.He didn’t say, “I hate Muslims and don’t ever let anyone of them ever enter the country!” There are few things more dishonorable than purposefully skewering the truth a la/ Michael Moore. You wouldn’t want it done to you why is it any different for him or any Candidate-or-person- for that matter? To sell papers? To gain popularity? Great. In the meantime me you tarnish people just like if you spread an untrue rumor about a girl in High School. How would she feel? I am sure people have said untrue/unkind things about you in the past, and I am sure you are good at , “brushing it off” , but is that fair to you? How did it make you feel? How do you like when lies are said about you and then others don’t even bother to find out whether it has credence or not? We owe it to ourselves to read and find out what they are really about-not just our political representatives but people- instead of a quick sound bite by a fellow “hater”. I know you are smart but it is not what makes you feel good about yourself, but will the policies be good for society?

    If you ever want to “duel”, feel free to email me anytime. I promise it will be lively, funny, spirited and giving you all due respect to a great talent and a woman who I very much admire( please don’t let you husband/bf see this! hahah!) . Keep Singing. -Neil C. Boston

    1. Wow Neil, you hit the mans plain trifecta, and oh so wrong all at once. As for Trump’s honesty, all 4% of the things he says (according to Politifact), that isn’t even getting the tip. But, hey, if you wanna go to the blog of a woman you feel the need to tell you’d marry even though she is spoken for so that you can correct her, and to suggest that she is some how not finding out what Trump is really about I’m sorry for you. I imagine you have many lonely nights. Maybe try reading some feminist literature, get to know something about managing your micro-agressions and feeling sod masculine supremacy…

  3. Don’t hold back, let us know how you really feel. That’s my golden girl. I know you’ve got to have thick skin to lay it all out there like you do but the haters can be cruel. You warm the cockles of this tired ole heart. Always have your back Storm. Fly high and always free!

  4. Obviously, that person is an idiot, as anyone who has ever seen you perform, knows you are amazing. If you just stood there, it would be enough for me. Saw you in Newport a year or so ago, with Pink Martini and wow, just wow!! Keep up your awesome talent and keep blocking the jerks.

  5. Storm You are Brave and Beautiful Inside & Out. Keep Speaking Singing Ranting your Beautiful SELVES
    the guy needs a lesson in Anatomy. He is talking through his Rectum. His digestive tract is full of Stool.

  6. Nicolae Muresan

    Thank you for this amazing interpretation, adorable Storm Large and Pink Martini orchestra. I am a romanian native and I am amazed because I didn’t know this song, but you transmited me the sens of lirycs first and this means that you not only knew it very well, but you feel it more than the original singer(Maria Tanase) did.
    Thank you!

    Nicolae Muresan

    P.S. I did not find another place to post my greetings that you snatched me.

  7. I looked you up because you are scheduled to accompany Pink Martini to Charleston, SC. Yes, you are attractive and I do not doubt you have a great voice. It is only my humble opinion that your reaction to a rude fan is a bit of a turn-off to someone such as myself who wanted to see you perform for the first time. There are many great artists with whom I disagree politically or religiously and that does not stop me from separating their artistic talent and praising it separately. I like to see more resiliency from people in the public eye. If an “internet troll” sends you off the deep end into some angry, cursing rage, I can’t help but wonder how you’d hold up to greater adversity such as a heckler at a live concert or a face to face challenge of some of your controversial political views you wear on your sleeve here in your blog.

    First of all, why is opposing the immigration of radical jihadist Muslims into my country make me the bigot or xenophobe? Aren’t the muslims who are killing gays, subjugating women, and murdering Christians the bigots and xenophobes? The Quran teaches that they should kill all non-believers and labels them “infidels.” Do you think you’d be spared for being a good white liberal Democrat? That didn’t spare the lives of 49 innocent people in the Orlando nightclub weeks ago, many I assume were loyal Democrats. There is no logical, safe way to vet military aged men from Syria who have absolutely no background or paperwork. Not to mention that there are reports that many of the “Syrian refugees” aren’t even from the Syrian warzone, but muslim transplants from all over the volatile, dangerous middle east. And don’t even get me started on the number of Syrian refugees who are bringing their underage wives with them, some reportedly as young as 12 years old. The issue is far more complex than simply calling anyone who questions open border immigration a “bigot” or “xenophobe.” People are being murdered almost daily now and it isn’t xenophobic or bigoted to identify which faith and creed these people are associated with.

    Second of all, I don’t know how you correlate Donald Trump with anything KKK related. The Ku Klux Klan was founded by racist white Democrats. This is historical fact. And no, the parties never switched. I can list off names of every racist white politician who remained in public office as a Democrat long after Goldwater lost the election. The South as a region did not support the Republican Party until almost a hundred years after Republicans won the Civil War.

    Third of all, your picture is kind of crude. As is your language. Again, that’s just my humble opinion. Why not just pull your pants down all the way? Are you trying to make a point that you support transgender bathrooms? Letting grown men pee next to little girls in the bathroom is a true sign of how refined and civilized we have become as a people. No? Since when did degenerating become so cool?

    And your anti-gun. Wonderful. You realize that most of the mass shootings occur in your sacred “gun free zones” right? No one is mass shooting people at NRA conventions. Chicago, one of the most anti-gun liberal democrat sanctuaries in the United States, is also a leader when it comes to the murder rate. It’s a shame anti-gun policies don’t work there, or anywhere else. The Supreme Court already ruled that it is an inalienable right and not restricted to militias as some try to claim. Last week, we read about innocent people being hacked to death by Muslims with axes on a train in Germany. We also heard about a pregnant woman being butchered by a Muslim with a machete in Germany. In November of 2015, 130 people were gunned down and murdered by more of your sacred Muslim migrants, and almost 400 were injured. Where? In anti-gun Paris. I think that being pro 2nd amendment is an educated stance. We don’t trust our corrupt government. I arm myself and protect my family. Obama and Hillary walk around with more armed bodyguards than they provided our ambassador in Benghazi, Libya. If you’re so anti-gun, ask Obama and Hillary to disarm their bodyguards first.

    And you admit to making “commie, sensibly leftist” rants. But I don’t know how sensible they actually are. Objective research indicates that more people died in the 20th century under communist regimes than the entire history of religious wars combined. There is nothing sensible about supporting communism. One should only hope we learn enough about history not to keep repeating its mistakes. No economic form of government has resulted in more surplus of necessary goods and as large a population explosion as the capitalistic industrial revolution. There is no greater incentive than individualism. History backs me up on this and I feel that this point is more than just my humble opinion.

    And am I a sexist or some terrible man for not feeling disappointed that we abort over a million babies in this country every single year? I am a father. I know how it feels to put my hand on my wife’s womb and feel the baby kick. I know what it feels like to fall in love with an unborn child far before the due date. We have been informed that there is a black market for babies’ body parts. Most abortions are on unborn black babies despite blacks only making up 13% of the population. Most planned parenthood clinics are in black neighborhoods. Why do we call UNplanned parenthood “planned parenthood.” Why do we call things the opposite of what they are? This is why Donald Trump’s anti-political correctness is so refreshing. I’m surprised that more artists, who are often rebellious, don’t also rebel against the political correctness that mutes Americans from standing up for what they believe in. You seem like you can be a rebel when you want to be. But when it comes to politics, you regurgitate what the corporate conglomerate media complex shoves down our throats daily. It’s a shame that people believe just because they are black, or just because they are creative artists, they HAVE to support the Democrat Party establishment, one that was just recently exposed by Wikileaks for fixing the entire Democrat primary process and making Hillary the elitists’ handpicked candidate way back in 2015 – half a year before the Democrat primary process had even come close to determining the nominee.

    Thank you for hearing out my difference of opinions. Please continue to make music, be beautiful, and live out your dreams. Please do not let one rude fan influence what you perceive to be the stereotype of what all Donald Trump supporters are like. I believe I have performed quite a bit of due diligence forming my political and religious views, and my musical tastes as well. They are not concrete. I evolve as I get older and experience is my best teacher. For me, there is no question that Donald Trump is more deserving to lead than Hillary Clinton is or Barack Obama was.

    1. Many of your points are demonstrably false, Sense-A. And now you’ve had a couple of months under Komrade Cheeto – how’s that working out for you? When Paul Ryan comes away from a meeting “shocked into silence by the depth and breadth of the President’s lack of knowledge on virtually every issue,” you know we have problems…which are largely self-inflicted, because a group of people who tend to be closed to experience and contrary information (a hallmark of ‘conservatism’) have elected a know-nothing, lying, boorish game show host to the nation’s highest office. The Russian foreign office minister was right: “Putin is eating Trump like a sandwich.”

      But that’s beside Storm’s post, which was great, and full of irony you obviously did not recognize. Do us a favor: save your political talking points – most of it is fantasy, and we’ve heard it all before. ENDLESSLY.

      Storm, keep on keeping on. And please come back to Tampa!

  8. Dec 14th,2016,
    Storm you are very bold and confident,Your voice is a blessing and you have the looks and sex appeal to match!
    As a special guest you performed with the south jersey philharmonic this past sunday.As the conductor most aptly said”if you do not know who Storm large is yet,by 5pm you will be a fan”…
    well,needless to say I was a fan by 3:25.And for the record I highly doubt you are lazy,i think u were being a little self deprecating!
    I was there to see my daughter sing in chorus,i was proud of her!Thank you Storm for making it a great day with a great performance…Jesus was mocked and ridiculed and look at how he is remembered,keep your head up Storm,dont let the negative haters steal ur awesome spirit!You have gumption,and your a creative wizard!Remember this young lady-‘We all sin but the great thing is Gods grace covers us all,for his power is made perfect in our weakness” ya Storm,keep smiling!

  9. I was fortuanate enough to have moved to PDX around the time you did and enjoy your Dante’s performances.

    No longer in PDX I still enjoy listening on the “intertubes” and love the way you call the bigots what they are, no matter how long a diabtribe they write.

    If it (Trump) walks like facist, looks like a fascist, quacks like a fascist, has bigoted/fascist policies, it is a fascist. The Trump voters may fool themselves, but they do not fool you. Keep opening your mouth and singing. What you do with the other orifice is your private business, but I am sure it is not something stupid.

    Merry Xmas.

  10. Hi,
    I just want to thank you for the splendid rendition of Maria Tănase, “Până când nu te iubeam”. Me and my wife, we just saw the record on youtube, after it was mentioned on a Romanian TV news program (informing about your concert in March, in Bucharest). As Romanians, we feel honored by your interest in our culture. Thank you! And we hope to see you in Bucharest, at the concert!
    George and Violeta
    PS: On the topic of your post: don’t bother yourself with every idiot spewing insults… As we say in Romania, only God can stop the wind, the rain, and stupid people’s mouths :)

  11. Dorothy McDowell

    STORM!!!!!! I was making a playlist of women’s voices that I LOVE – and immediately looked you up. Of course, I had to listen to Ladylike first…. Imagine my surprise to see the shift from ‘The Balls’ to ‘Pink Martinis!’ I listened and you are flawless! LOVE the intelligence and the humor of your blog!!!!! Your twitter is more up to date, but I would love for you to blog about what is going on now! Sheesh LOUISE – We better all start learning Russian!

  12. Wow. Just heard and saw you at Shoreline for the July 4th pops concert. You were amazing! Incredible voice, sexy as hell, and now I read this gem of a post that makes it clear you’re more than just an amazing voice and gorgeous beauty. Love the wit, humor, and even the grammar lessons (in fact, especially them, as I too hate the voluntary illiteracy people display these days). Just awesome! Even your name kicks ass!
    As a fellow musician and artist, I fully support your open opinions and loud voice!

  13. Hi, My family also saw and heard you at Shoreline on the Fourth concert. Thanks for the beautiful show. Even my 5-year old Granddaughter thought that you are “spectacular” her words.

  14. Storm, you’re wonderful and don’t let anyone tell you different. I’ve seen you perform several times, both solo (valentines day) and with Pink Martini. I love that you use your bully pulpit to discuss current events. I don’t for a minute think that the majority of people in our country concur with Trump and his minority of followers. We need more people who have a public stage to speak out!

  15. My daughter loves Pink Martini… When I went for it on Youtube found this beautiful lady singing it with the very strange name “Bol’shoi shtorm” … Loved the name decided to read more.
    Even more interesting… But then I found this “Shut up and sing …”
    Reminded me of an old French move with Jean Marais “Iron Mask” … The guy played d’Artagnan and there was an episode when he had to fight with the lady who was dressed in the men clothes.
    When he figured out that it was a very pretty woman he kissed her and said ” Why do you need weapon, you have another weapon? ” He meant that her appearance was far better weapon than real weapon…
    So I have the same question for you Susan… why do you need another weapon… you already have one, actually two … your appearance and good voice.
    Why did you go to such an extensive blog just to discuss the guy who loved your voice …
    Did it really hurt you that much?

  16. Saw you for the first time the day after Thanksgiving in Portland. Sorry I waited so long. You might actually say “fuck” more then I do. You are awesome and fun and ever so talented. Thank you.

  17. The brilliant & insightful Storm Large.

    What a marvelous break to meet up with your creative..
    expression! Amado Mio, clearly has ‘Gilda’
    and Rita Hayworth doing backflips in their respective sarcphogi!

    ‘Like to do another album? The perspiring masses are awaiting to be further dazzled by you, Storm. A comprehensive/ definitive piece just might be what the ‘doctor’ has ordered!

    With vast admiration, and, of course, love,

  18. Good for you, Girl! You are a formidable talent, intelligent and fantastic human being…wish there were more like you in this world. The place would be a much nicer, less nastier place than it is.

  19. Browsing today’s mailing from The Barns at Wolf Trap, I did not recognize your (very memorable) name. After watching some of your work online, I bought a ticket for your upcoming show. At this point in my life, I don’t have the ability to see more than a show or two per year, so this was a carefully considered choice. However, noting the range of your song catalog, listening to your rapid stage repartee, reading here the stridency of your beliefs, and most importantly, hearing the vocal gifts you bestow upon your audience, the opportunity to see you perform live was impossible to pass on. I very much look forward to seeing you at The Barns in 2020.

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