OK….the Mansion.

As soon as I arrived I got on the red carpet , took some photos , talked to some reporters …posed , pouted , the usual . I was on the carpet with Danny Bonnaducci . I heard his grizzled , camel wide voice bellowing next to me and thought to myself..” what a desperately sad sounding man …I can’t wait to NOT be hearing his voice anymore .” Then we were done and I went inside .


I imagine the Mansion must be gorgeous …. however I never saw the inside . The party was a tented outdoor affair …kinda cool … kinda . There were a smattering of semi-nude girls wearing painted on shirts … not playboy models … but they were wiggling their hired hineys around the party REALLY hoping to be one day . Some nice boobies …. some fairly cute girls…. but mostly , just a handfull skinny young things wobbling around on clear heels all wasted in the drafty plastic tent , looking for a reason to love themselves .

T’was a bit disturbing .

Hef and the girls next door were there .. Hef , at 80 , looks awesome . No sign of weird , head altering , plastic surgery that is so rampant in Hollywood these days . (Um , are you listening Kenny Rogers?) He just looks like a happy well laid older gentleman . The girls look as they do on the show , all cute , none crazy stunningly fake looking . They all breezed in , did their thing , and were gone … no one saw them leave… but I saw them all wanting to .

There was music…spun by a bikini clad DJ , but what was booming from the sound system mostly were the voices of Adam Corolla and his people (one of whom was Danny Bonnaducci… ouch ) I love Adam Corolla … I think he’s a riot , but Bonnaducci , with his dulcet tones , hogged up alot of air time …. kind of hard to understand what he was saying … but it all sounded like ” Blah blah blah somebody please love me , I wish I was wasted ….” and something about wanting to put the beat down on Barbara Walters AND Rosie O’Donnell for Donald Trump (plus one million dollars). It was hard to listen to but WAY worse to see . He strains so hard to speak …Bonnaducci bulges like a veiny , leathery penis with desperate piggy little eyes . Scary .

Basically , the party was a live radio broadcast “From The Playboy Mansion” as well as a kickoff for Donald Trumps new season for The Apprentice . Donald got up and struck up his favorite topic , besides himself …Rosie O’Donnell . I went into the Grotto to hide at that point ( very cool btw…though I was a little scared to sit on anything for fear of getting the clap , or impregnated by the spilt seeds of Bill Maher or someone from the Chilli Peppers…)

I came out to hear The Donald wrapping up his shpiel on why he = good , Rosie=Bad , when he said he had the #1 show in America . Who knew Donald Trump was on American Idol ?! My bad .

All in all , methinks it wasn’t really a Playboy party per se … there were alot of commoners in the mix . A lot of folks who won tickets to the party by calling into various radio stations for various contests . I met a bunch of these folks … they were super cool and excited to be there , made it a friendly and less trendy poseur-fest . However , I think that’s why we were sequestered to
the grounds and allowed inside only in controlled tour groups .

One cool thing about being stuck outside was … I got to visit with their coolio zoo … they have a lemur named Yoda … a ton of bunnies (duh) amazing birds and cute little spider monkeys . It was a decent time , but I look forward to going to an actual Playboy event one day , bring my Balls and have us a time … inside .


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