Does this blog make me look fat ?

There have been some interesting arguments going on about my album cover picture . Mostly there is a positive response to the irony and humor , but some would rather a more commercially viable image that the mainstream could feel comfy about buying . There are excellent points on both sides….but it’s time for me to chime in .

Yes , I get called hot , I get called beautiful , sexy … all that …and you know what ? I love it . Why ? Because that’s ALL I EVER wanted to be . It is all I prayed for when I was a fat , punk rock , lonely lonely young girl in a small town . Here’s a sample of some internal dialogue …(the echoes of which are still pinging about in my scull , some twenty plus years later…) ” If I could just shut up…or be quiet ….” , ” If I could just NOT EAT…” , ” If I looked like _______…” , ” If only ______ would just LIKE me “…To name just a few … but those internal sound bites would be followed with …”THEN , maybe, I could be happy .”(I know for most of the girls and women reading this , these are not particularly unique or rare thoughts .)

Surprised ?

Suffice to say … I did not stop eating or look like so-and-so or EVER shut up . Thus , it is firmly entrenched in my nature to not take the easy way….it was never an option , thus has never been my style. Yes , I’ve been blessed in SO MANY WAYS in my life . Compared to some , my whole existence has been a dang cake walk . However , when it comes to my album cover … I took a LOT of lumps to make it happen . I’m sure I’ll take more lumps when it comes out ..and all things being equal here : Why not show my lumps ? Not the fergilicious ” Humps”… but hard earned, ugly ass lumps . I won’t moan and whine about it or drag around a chain of sorrow and difficulty for all to marvel at my ability to overcome …stare at my feet on stage and act miserable . That’s not me either . I have come a long way to get to the point where I am pretty joyful about who and what I am .

So now I’m kinda hot (a cruel trick of nature to get me all gorgeous just in time to start deteriorating with age …. oh well …..)Regardless of my present appearance no one has ever handed me anything . (except one time, on a dare ,I flirted a quart of oil away from a young gas station attendant….) I have busted my ass in an industry that told me to start lying about my age when I was twenty fucking seven years old , told me to drop 15 pounds and not to sing about nasty things or sing so well (it’s intimidating…) and truthfully , I’m not totally unscathed by my forays in this business … but I’m still working , rocking , touring ……..AND smiling … I win .

I would not be honoring myself if I did the soft focus , controlled environment , sexy in YOUR way imagery . That stuff has it’s place and can be amazing ( Laura Domela…I’m talking to YOU …) But this is my album , a small disc of my guts with my face on it …consider the album title …consider who I have always , unapologetically been .

Folks get uncomfortable , good . Our society puts way too much emphasis on comfort and convenience . It makes us all soft like mewling veal calves . It’s not my job to make you comfortable …leave that to Enya and Kenny G…you and I are s’posed to jump in the pit , arm and arm , get knocked around by other humans , love like children , fuck like animals , to eat , stink , feel and live. It is beautiful , but it’s not always pretty .

I wonder if Andrew W.K. got any shit for his album cover ?


1 thought on “Does this blog make me look fat ?”

  1. YOU ROCK!!!! Thank you for being sooooo f’n inspirational! I really needed your words. Battleing the tummy bulge, the aging, the industry telling ME I’m not what “people” are looking for.. WOW! So I’m totally inspired by your words and I will OWN my shit and go out there and do what I’m meant to do. You are AMAZiNG!!! Thank You
    Love & Light Rebekah 11:11

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