Tales From Abroad
Tales from abroad…actually, some questions from a broad.
So, I guess the made for TV artist formerly known as Hannah Montana acted like some coked out stripper on television, and now there is a world-wide snit tsunami going on about it. I’m curious as to why.
I’ve read the open letter to Miley C. from Sinead O’Connor and then the response to Sinead from Amanda Palmer. Both of the letters were beautifully written, very loving and compassionate in intent. Now, both of these women, Sinead and Amanda, are fucking brilliant. Totally anti establishment, as far as what women in the music industry are supposed to look and behave like. Outspoken, wise, non-commercial and unconventionally beautiful…basically they have chunks of the status quo in their poop…. and women are hopping all over THEM now about this. Again, what gives?
I only understand the furor insofar as whenever a pop culture zeitgeist hits the common consciousness, EVERYBODY has to chime in (ahem…as I am doing here), but understand, this is a partial rant, partial plea for clarity. I’ve heard and read a lot of name calling, slut shaming and saw some mean, dickish responses from Ms. Cyrus herself, but I’m on tour right now, have been for weeks, (presently in Germany), so I’m just playing catch-up here.
(PS, very few Germans knew a whiff about Miley Cyrus until she air humped that tool….and later a hammer…so there’s that.)
If I’m remembering correctly, this whole twerk thing started around the same time Assad got busted for using chemical weapons against his people, (as opposed to the much more acceptable, humane mortar, shrapnel and comfy cozy bullets he was using genocidally before) but everyone, I suppose, was so relieved when Vladimir Putin stepped in and said, “Hey gurl, I got this” that we could all, collectively, go back to flipping out about M.C.’s skinny, free-for-all-to-see ass and GODDAMMITT??!!!
Can’t we just let her find her own way? I get the feminist ire. She’s getting a ton of attention for acting like a douche and is proving herself to be a bratty little asshole about it, but all the fury, condemnation …even cavalier predictions of her death are beneath us. Or are they?
We have always been inundated with young hot girls seeking easy attention with their bodies…. but why is there such a collective gasp of disbelief when a chick rips her clothes off in an artless “LOOKIT MEEEE!!!!” move? Does seeing them have some lycanthropic effect, like a werewolf bite? Where you lose total control of your faculties, cut your jeans into a thong, whip your tits out and go all bukaki crazy, shooting selfies while having three-way sword fights in your mouth?
If you’re pursing your lips at that last sentence, thinking I’m a pig…then no. No, you are not thusly affected by over sexualized images of young girls in the media…other than being disgusted. But some girls are going to do that. They just are. I know I totally did.
Not the sword fight selfie thing…but you get it. Hi, Dad.
Disney Corp. has always taken young, pretty girls, and let them bud into hot as balls young women in front of us, and WE are TOTALLY supposed to notice how achingly gorgeous a woman they are developing into, but they, oh no…THEY have to keep that shit to themselves and are forbidden to own or understand it. In. No. Sense. We can fan ourselves, licking our lips over their jail bait-y blossoming, buy all their soft core kinder porn pencil boxes and back packs and crap, but shame on YOU, Slutty McSlutterson if you figure it out, and actually DO what we fantasize about you doing in our heads, with your sugarplums et al.
Older folks presently yelling at their screens, remember The Mickey Mouse Club? Annette Funicello? Did you just remember her boobs and how they made you feel? Uh-huh. YOU shut up.
Madonna ran the exact same kind of amok with her hotness (granted she had better choreography) and “BOY TOY” was a young Madge badge of honor. Though we all know very well she was more pimp than plaything… still is. But there’s more fist pumping, ‘You GO Girl’-ing at Madonna’s ownership than Miley’s clumsy first run at her sexually independent image. Why? I’m not being self-righteous here, I’m genuinely asking why.
Doesn’t it make sense that MC went all balls out bananas once out of Mickey’s white gloved grip? I mean, it seems to be having the desired effect as far as she’s concerned. But the reactionary raging is what has me scratching my head.
I would love it if we channeled the energy into pushing more badass women into the spotlight instead of spewing our rage onto these half naked girls and then on to each other about what’s wrong with us and our opinions about these girls. Women spend more fire, it seems, fighting against and devaluing other women than being constructive or solution oriented.
The best way to get a kid to do something is to scream at them NOT to…and yelling at someone is the most effective way to get them to stop listening. I realize we are mostly disgusted by the constant exploitation of young hot things, as opposed to shaming the girls themselves, I mean they barely know better. But the way women are shredding each other on this topic reminds me of a scorpion stinging itself to death because it’s too hot.
But maybe this isn’t even about women or girls specifically, maybe the furor is misdirected anger about our celebrity culture. It should be, anyway. We have really gone down an ugly weird road with fame and celebrity in this society. Kids say more and more they want to be famous, not for anything in particular…just famous. Of course it is a crying out just to be seen… and loved, ultimately. We can blame any number of entities, but you can’t un-ring that bell.
Child celebrity stories, especially, seem to end badly… more than half the time. We’ve all seen it again and again, and we all watch with baited breath and a bag of chips. It’s easy to feel bad for a sad and lonely child….but a sad and lonely RICH AND UBER FAMOUS child? Fuuu-huuuuck them! Those beautiful, seemingly enviable lives, box office gold and multiplatinum record sales…YAWN. Talent schmalent, the REAL excitement happens when these young stars start to circle the drain. Remember young Justin Bieber? No one could believe the talent of this kid, discovered by Usher when he was so young he still had vagina bruises from being born. Now the kid isn’t even 20 and everyone is hoping he ODs and goes away. There were death pools on Britney Spears when she was losing it, and everyone seems to have such a rock hard judge-y hate boner for Lindsey Lohan. Does excoriating these kids somehow purge us of our own bullshit? Can’t we collectively get as horny for something positive out there?
People love to snicker, laugh and judge drug addicted and emotionally disturbed celebrities. There are entire industries based on tearing down famous people, gunning for a train wreck. (So much so, a huge part of the TV industry has just shrugged and said “Fuck it! Let’s just FIND train wrecks and make THEM celebrities!” but that’s for another rant) It’s all fun and games, that is, until one of them actually dies… very publicly. Then there is a sweeping hush….”Isn’t it SO sad…tsk-tsks..” out of the same lips, that days earlier had run red with witty barbs shredding them.
MILEY CYRUS FOUND DEAD.
Would you smirk and say I told you so? Would you feel great about being right, or would you, maybe, wish she had had a chance to redeem herself in your eyes, or…what? Would you feel anything?
Think back to something funny you heard or even said about Michael Jackson before he died. Anna Nicole Smith? Amy Winehouse?
Again, this is a human condition questioning, not grand standing. I too have caught myself grinning in schadenfreude when the seemingly mighty fall… or fuck up royally. But these kids are not mighty, some are talented, sure, but mostly, they’re just beautiful things being sold to us. Sometimes so beautiful, it’s hard to remember there’s a heart beating in there. But there is.
OK, back to Miley-gate.
It’s impossible to understand and therefore have compassion for someone who has only been filmed, made, dressed and dolled up, told where to sit, stand, how to laugh, talk, behave, behave, behave, for their whole young lives…and for the whole world to see. They’re paid obscene amounts of money, partly for their ability to sing and act, maybe, but mostly, they get paid for doing what they’re told to do. Then, when they’re out in public they’re inundated with shouts of: “YOU’RE AMAZING!!! I LOVE YOU!!! OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!! I WANT TO BE YOUUUU!!! Along with packs of people, everywhere, chanting their name over and over.
I’m not a gambler OR a psychologist, but I’ll bet it’s a mind fuck.
So yeah, Miley was decidedly un-elegant in her performance with that ass grabby guy on that show. But can’t we allow her some twerking room to try and figure out who she is? She can’t pretend she isn’t already world famous for being Hannah Montana, a cute plucky pop star, shenanigan-ing her way through a made for TV life. She’s only just started to break free of the restraints of being too young to know better, (and, clearly, she STILL doesn’t know better, but it seems to me she’s trying at least.) And if her cunty snark attacks against even her well meaning nay sayers continue, and she proves to be just another talentless overblown assface, then fuck her. Don’t buy her shit, change the channel and forget about her, she’ll go away.
Meanwhile how’bout we move on, take it easy on each other, and try to not buy so much into all this judger-tainment. Her twitchy little butt has gotten everyone up, so let’s take some windex to our glass houses and look at our own butts, too.
PPS…Though folks in Germany now know who she is, they don’t think she’s all hashtag amazing, adorbs, or talented…they’re just amused.
With love from Berlin,