Teeth and Balls
I hope you all have your tickets for this Thursday’s (12/13) Winter Wonder Balls show at the Wonder Ballroom , they are going fast , plus I’ll be on AM Northwest and Rick Emerson this week so , get on it before you miss out . This show is going to be soooo fun ! I’m doing a duet with the dreamy Sam Adams , the gorgeous China Forbes , the young and golden throated Jordin , (winner
of last years Portland Teen Idol) Stephanie and Morgan Grace from Kleveland , some of those crazy kids from Faces For Radio (the crew from Live Wire ) will bring some holiday hilarity as
well . Plus , a super secret guest who will knock your socks straight off . A perfect holiday show for those with a short attention span . The evening is kicked off at 7PM with a sexy set from Auditory sculpture . Come all ye mirthful !
OK … now for a small rant .
Just Out Magazine ( a great publication here in Portland ) did a sweet write-up and recommendation for Winter Wonder Balls . I am so grateful for their support , however , in the article , they said ” (Storm) is out as a bisexual….” Now , no one from the magazine talked to me or asked me about my sexuality , so I’m a trifle annoyed . Had they asked me , I would have told them , just as I told “Curve” Magazine , I find sexual labels to be extremely limiting . ” Straight” , “gay” or “bi” doesn’t begin to describe a person , in my opinion . Something as wild and intangible as individual sexuality should not be boxed by a moniker . Some smaller minds use labels to keep their world safe and easy to understand … some smaller minds use labels to hate and to hurt . Labels make it easy to compartmentalize the ” Who” into “What”.
There are many who sexually identify themselves for personal , social or political reasons , and that’s awesome . For Them . For me , calling me one thing absolutely rankles my enormous ego . My sexuality is on my sleeve for all the world to see . Yes , it’s big , shiny and shameless , but it is only one red peg among the hundreds that glow in my Light Bright . I’m a woman , an artist , a singer , a lover , a jackass , a mother to my friends , a big fat baby when I’m hurt or sick , a
cook , an animal , a brute philosopher , a nose picker , a werewolf …to name a few . When forced to describe myself sexually , I say I am an opportunistic omnivore with a wide monogamous streak … today . I stand proudly for my love of myself , men , women , trannies , couples and groups . With every lover I’ve ever had , the only thing I’ve ever been is myself .
I love every sexy body I have ever loved , you call it whatever you want , but please don’t fence me in .
See you out there ,
xoxoStorm
Christmas bitch .
The fact that there is even serious discussion about keeping Santa from Ho-Ho-ing … a common laugh sound guffawed publicly long before hip hop and Don Imus came along …is immeasurable stupidity . What next ? Ho downs , Ho-Hos , “Hi Ho ! Kermit Thee Frog here ? “
If it’s upon some insistence by a woman’s group , I might seriously consider turning in my “Proud to Possess a Pussy ” card .
We want equality ? Then we must learn to roll . Fight for what really matters to women , better schools , health care for us and our children , stronger , longer sentences for ACTUAL sexual predators , resolving the endless expensive war that has claimed more than enough sons and daughters on both sides …..I can think of countless issues more worthy of my action than some motherfucking Jolly Old Elf !!! Picketing the North Pole crying foul against some imagined Kringellian offense only does harm to our ability TO fight for what matters . We look
like shrill , reactionary harpies mewling for attention . We become punchlines , people stop taking us seriously and thus , we lose our ability to effectively champion any real cause .
For those bitching overly PC dryboxes to whom I speak … get a fucking hobby . You do not represent me , do not presume that you do . Your insistence that HO-HO-HO is offensive and must be stopped is just as bad as those douche bags that want to take Christmas Trees out
of our Holiday lexicon . Unless the tree speaks up and says ” Praise Allah!” , and insists on facing east several times a day , or won’t light up on Friday after sunset …. IT’S A FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREE .
Look , I’m not religious , but I know enough about it that , in every monotheistic religion . God is better than us . “Better” meaning more wise , more powerful , more forgiving and WAY more loving than us . Why then , in God’s name , must we perpetuate our pettiness about Him
(or Her , or It …whatever) ? Why do we have to make God out to be some petty asshole full of our own human insecurity and bullshit ? In trying to emulate , honor or celebrate God , don’t you think being a big fuck face wouldn’t really be the way to do it ?
You celebrate in your way . Me ? I will decorate my CHRISTmas tree , send HANUKAH cards to my Jewish friends , sit my kid on Santa’s lap so he can get the full blast of his HO-HO-HOing . And mostly , I will share food , drink , hugs and stories with my friends and family . That’s
what this time of year is really about for me , giving and sharing , loving and celebrating . If you aren’t hip with that and you’d rather boycott things and make a stink about trivialities for your
( insert non-offensive , safe reference to something nice and neutral) Holiday , have at it …. celebrate away … sounds super fun for you . We all enjoy the season in different ways , so I’m not going to tell you how to or how NOT to celebrate , so long as you do the same for the rest of us .
Merry Christmas
xoStorm
Thankfully Home.
It was bittersweet , but awesome to be side by side with my big brothers , my Dad and all my cousins and extended family . One of the main reasons I adored Neeny is she not only created a big loving family , she infused us all with the importance of BEING a big , loving family . I was on a plane or two all Thanksgiving day , turkeyless , alone with my hand sanitizer and Vanity Fair for comfort … but I was still humming with all the tears , hugs and love I had received and given over the last week of celebrating Neeny and her legacy . Then , landing in Portland last night , I
got hugs from Davey and Case , and fed nummy leftovers from their Thanksgiving .
Life is good and I am very thankful for every soul I’ve had the honor to love . Bless you all … take care of eachother , and I’ll see you all out there.
PS: Stay tuned for more Balls news next week ….
XOXOStorm
Check out the new StormLarge.com
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Enjoy!
New Ladylike Remix Available For Download
Storm Large and Keith Schreiners (from Auditory Sculpture; producer of Storm & The Balls’ ‘Vasectomy’ CD) have released the “Audity Remix” of Ladylike!
Not only that, but they have also released 4 other songs which feature Storm:
“Shake It To Life” (an original song they wrote for Vasectomy)
“Ruin Everything” (an original song they wrote for Keith’s solo CD)
“Closer Closer” (an original song they wrote for Keith’s solo CD)
“Valentines Day” (an original song they wrote for Keith’s solo CD)
Christmas Balls
I am almost done with the Portland run of Cabaret . Afterwards it’s holidays , family and … yes , a Balls Christmas show . A glass of wine , some mistletoe , AND THE BALLS . We’re hammering out the details now , we know it is at the Wonder Ballroom , mid December , and a portion of the ticket sales will go to charity .
This is our first show since August and our last until possibly March … I hope you can make it .
More details to come when I’ve got em’ .
See you out there!
xoStorm
PLEASE!!!!
I have caught a bit of crap ( no surprise ) about a song I like , by Nickel Arcade, that happens to be about the death of Britney Spears. OH MY GOD . Of course I don’t want anything bad to happen to Ms. Spears . That is not why I posted the bulletin . You lot , of all people , should know better , seriously . The post was all about supporting a very young band who , in my opinion , have awesome pop sensibility . I like cheesy pop , easy pop , even if they have lyrics saying something like … oh I dunno … “I WANT YOU TO DIE” maybe ????
I am sick to death of people putting more energy into the trials of the famous than their own damn lives . I know that if Britney , Lindsey or Amy Winehouse were in any of our actual families … or circle of close-ins … you would do your damndest to help and or save them . God help their hungry little wasted souls … but they have had their shot , and most likely will get plenty more opportunities if they can survive themselves .
In the meantime , I will continue to support young artists that I think are talented . You don’t have to like what I like …. I like brussels sprouts too , yes , BRUSSELS SPROUTS …. only one of the most HATED vegetables in the worlds flora … whatever . I don’t care . Let the world bitch about it , I will be listening to Nickel Arcade and munching on brussels sprouts and be just as happy as can
be .
Carry on …. see you out there .
xoStorm
PCS and Ryko
I chat about it and sing one of the songs on Livewire Radio … the podcast will be available on September 29.
As for “Ladylike , Side One” it’s been picked up for physical distribution by a partnership between CDBaby and Ryko .
The street date is October 23rd .
Now old foagies like my Dad can go to an actual store and buy the record instead of having to navigate the baffling series of tubes that is the internets . I’ll let you all know what stores will be carrying it , so you can tell your friends and neighbors .The disc may be carried by Border’s Books,
hence there will be a shiny new parental warning sticker on them ( Thank you, Phoenix , for that lightning fast design and execution!!!) . I only swear in two out of the seven songs , but in one of those songs I F-bomb about 28 or 29 times …. gotta warn the kids .
Back to another 12 hour rehearsal … it’s a grind , but still sooooo fun . I may just turn out to be a theater whore .
See you out there!
xoStorm
Update !
I thought this theater thing would be a break from my hectic touring activities of the last year plus . If by “break” I meant twelve hour days , 6 days a week of singing , dancing and enjoying some serious dark emotional exploration
on a woman who fucks for money/food/drugs/life’s purpose , gets pregnant , and whose answer to the rise of the Third Reich is to get wasted and pretend it’s not happening … then , yeah . I guess I’m getting a break .
HOLY FUCK ACTING IS HARD .
I won’t complain , because , I gotta say , I LOVE it . It is
so wild to make art out of life experiences through the media of re-creating them as someone else … a different human . I love it . It tickles my crazy bone .
If you can , you should come … not just for me , but for the great story, the ridiculously talented people I’m in this thing with , the wild choreography and dark and dirty crap that happens , (no one under 18 without guardian can see it ) .
I pray every day that I can stay up to this challenge and not suck ….EVER .
I am loving this .
I hope my lovely Kudra is having a restful ( and safe ) time in Greece … and , fyi . The Balls have not broken up . We all love playing , (eating , and hanging ) with each other … but while I’m on stage being Sally , we’re all doing other stuff .
Loving thoughts….
–
xoS
SATURDAY!!
Hey kids! I’m going out today to do my typical , pre-show whoring . Rick Emerson around 2pm…the Buzz tomorrow at 9 AM ..Newsletters , phonecalls …meanwhile I start the Storm Beautification Project , that is typical show prep . Yeah , yeah , we rehearse and stuff , duh , but the SBP takes me about 36 hours to complete … I mean each leg is three feet long and girthy, shaving em’ takes at least a day …it’s like shaving a whole pony. Speaking of farm animals, I gotta get my hoofs detailed , and it takes some doing to find someone who won’t run screaming from my size 12 Flinstone Flappers … then I gotta scrub off a few layers of dermis with a horse brush and some sea salt …sexy stuff I know . Then the horror of picking an outfit . I don’t even want to think about it too much …. Being a girl takes quite a bit of doing when you gotta be all hot on stage . Just remember , I’m doing it all FOR YOU .
So in case you haven’t heard :
STORM AND THE BALLS AT THE WONDER BALLROOM THIS SATURDAY , AUGUST 18TH WITH SPECIAL GUESTS KLEVELAND AND CASTELLA !!!
Get there early , people , I wants to see youz!
See you out there ,
xoStorm
