Sam Adams , sex mayor .
The Mayor of Portland has lied to everyone and it is a damn shame .
I , for one , am shocked . SHOCKED to learn that a middle aged man was attracted to , wooed and then had sex with an eighteen year old . We are also talking about two men , here . The Mayor of Portland , Sam Adams , is the first openly gay mayor of a major metropolitan city .
It must just be a gay thing …. the young hottie and the lying . Who has ever heard of straight people doing that ? Older man, young , long legged bubblegum flavored giggle machine , hooking up ? Never happens . What would they even do ? Eighteen year olds don’t have sex ever with anyone . It’s science . Sure , they can go to the bathroom , but their sex bits don’t develop for a looong time . They have hinges , like Barbie and Ken dolls .
I think all that misguided ” Barely Legal ” porn will finally go out of business in this economy because , DUH , no one watches it anyways . While we’re at it , how’bout girls gone wild , or the Hills . Girls don’t really get hot until forty . Everyone knows that .
If this is evidence of a gay mans nature , it makes no sense why gays want the right to get married . I mean heterosexual couples get
married , clearly , so they can keep having honest , repetitive sex with middle aged people … actually the same middle aged person over and over again ,
til’ death , and wrinkly butt cheeks , you part .
And the lying …. the terrible lying . Straight people are always honest when it comes to sex . When they want it , don’t want it , had it ,
hated it , thought about someone else while doing it … or just felt like jerking off into a fresh copy of “Rachel Ray Every Day!” magazine . The honesty in a straight , legally recognized , relationship is a solid granite foundation of heterodevotion .There are lies … little ones … but they are NEVER about sex .
Before he was The Mayor , Mr. Adams had been accused of statutory rape by another gay man with political ambitions . This other gay man
likes em’ a lot older , I’m told …. twenty-ish …. but anyways …. Mr. Adams had enjoyed some hot action one month after the young man’s eighteenth birthday . However , he lied and encouraged the young man to lie about it to protect his political future and the young mans privacy . So many lies ! Of course the difference between 17 and 18 was a solid month , but the difference between rape and inappropriate is massive . Still , Adams felt no one would believe that the young man was of tight , well muscled legal age and his hinges had started to blossom …. What wonderful American society , I ask you , with a black president , female astronauts and Perez Hilton , would deign to believe salacious gossip about hot man on man action between the gorgeous , Clark Kent looking Mayor and a rock hard strapping buck who was totally into him . I mean , it’s gossip …. we all know the difference between the truth and gossip .
A lot of people are calling for Adams to resign . I think he should stay . He has learned a stinging and difficult lesson about sex and lies and
being a public person . Maybe he can set an example to us all about overcoming a terrible mistake that he alone is responsible for . Everyone
in this great country makes mistakes and we are always honest and forthright about them all , every time , without exception . Our Mayor should do the same .
xoxoStorm
Makeup show announced!!!
Saturday , February 28th at Mississippi Studios . Doors at 7:30 show at 8:30 .
This show is free for the folks who missed the 20th , and still have their tickets or were expecting to pick up their tickets at will call . THERE WILL BE NO TICKETS FOR SALE FOR THIS SHOW. If you want to pay to see the Balls , come to Dantes on Friday , Feb. 20th .
Thank you , and we’ll see you out there !
xoxoStormer
VALENTINE’S DUH!
It’s January second and while impulse shopping at Rite Aid , I saw a big display of Valentines crap .
Oh Baby , here it comes again ! Dressed in crinkling red cellophane with its bloated , chocolate dipped expectations …. and it’s grim disappointments .
Every year I go through the same maddening inner dialogue , it starts out defiant , ” Fuck Valentines Day ! I don’t need a stupid DAY to tell ME how to LOVE! ” Then as it gets closer , I get a little defensive ,” Man … I should do SOMETHING …. get him some flowers , write him a nice card … dinner ? Shit , why do I have to do anything , I ALWAYS do stuff . ” Then , around the 12th of February , I start to hate my boyfriend . ” Fucker , he isn’t going to do anything , I KNOW it … he NEVER does . I do so much for him and he just takes takes TAKES … I should just leave .” The awful day comes and goes with an awkward exchange of half-assed written Fred Meyer Valentine’s cards , a flower he stole , and probably an argument after our “nice romantic , ‘specially for him , to show him how much BETTER I am at being thoughtful . ‘ dinner .
Nice . Nice freakin’ Holiday .
This year I’m going to consciously and continuously acknowledge My Kind Of Love . I will celebrate my flawed , fun and filthy sense of intimacy I share with my sweetheart . My Kind Of Love is certainly not fit for TV . You can have those gorgeous and squeaky clean models who glowingly exchange diamonds and cars and have sex frontways not sweating or queefing in bed . Keep em’ , they all leave me dry .
The most romantic thing my boyfriend ever said to me was he loved holding me so much , he wanted to cut me up and wear me . On the phone recently , after I was nearing the end of a ten day road trip , I asked him what he wanted me to do to him when I got home …… we had been sending phone pics of each other’s junk back and forth , to show how much we missed each other ….. he said in a murderous whisper ” I just want you to lay there and look scared .” With that I shouted that I would love him forever and would he like to be my first husband .
THAT’S love .
When we first got together , in the throes of the first blush of falling in love … you know , when you just fuck , pretty much nonstop and everywhere possible … my body looked like I had passed out naked in bear country sprinkled with potato chips . Bitten , bruised and clawed raw , we had sex like it was a fierce battle of who can out fuck who …. we both won and lost equally .
THAT’S romance .
Some women , and even a few men , have a laundry list of what they need to get into sex and ultimately get off . In the saddest of cases , the women think that vanilla candles , Norah Jones and tender , loving words will curl their toes , yet they are still left unsatisfied . That’s just horrible . Again , the awful influence of advertising and selling what love and intimacy should look like , swelling our already ridiculous expectations . You want to know what intimacy looks like ? Me with gas and a couple of Biore’ black head strips glued across my nose and chin , fucking my boyfriend like a prisoner til’ I come screaming and cussing and we both laugh collapsing in a heap . THEN when he won’t go get me some water , I call him a fag and fart on his leg.
THAT’S intimacy .
How about the morning wood , dick-in-the-back scenario ? Most long term relationship veterans have their own way of dealing with that demanding , painful erection most guys get early mornings . If you’re like me , it takes you a bit longer to get going out of a dead sleep . So , sometimes I just push my bare backside into that drum tight exclamation point and yawn , ” Go ahead and take one , Baby . ” And he does like a dog takes the strip of fat off your steak without hesitation (or chewing) . Later on I e-mail him or text him that he owes me and had better watch some internet porn and get some sick ideas before he gets home …. ’cause he owes me .
THAT’S trust .
Take your love in whatever form it exists and celebrate it daily , I know you do in your own way . Let the phony pageantry of Valentine’s Day pop and fade into what we’re all really waiting for …. SPRING !! Love to you all …. My Kind Of Love …. or yours .
See you out there !
xoxoStorm
P.S. we’re still figuring out the where and when of the make up show …. stay tuned !
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