Firstly , HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADONNA!!

Hey kids! I’m going out today to do my typical , pre-show whoring . Rick Emerson around 2pm…the Buzz tomorrow at 9 AM ..Newsletters , phonecalls …meanwhile I start the Storm Beautification Project , that is typical show prep . Yeah , yeah , we rehearse and stuff , duh , but the SBP takes me about 36 hours to complete … I mean each leg is three feet long and girthy, shaving em’ takes at least a day …it’s like shaving a whole pony. Speaking of farm animals, I gotta get my hoofs detailed , and it takes some doing to find someone who won’t run screaming from my size 12 Flinstone Flappers … then I gotta scrub off a few layers of dermis with a horse brush and some sea salt …sexy stuff I know . Then the horror of picking an outfit . I don’t even want to think about it too much …. Being a girl takes quite a bit of doing when you gotta be all hot on stage . Just remember , I’m doing it all FOR YOU .

So in case you haven’t heard :

STORM AND THE BALLS AT THE WONDER BALLROOM THIS SATURDAY , AUGUST 18TH WITH SPECIAL GUESTS KLEVELAND AND CASTELLA !!!

Get there early , people , I wants to see youz!
See you out there ,
xoStorm

Even tho I’ve already been seeing back to school ads (DAMN YOU , TARGET!!) It’s still summer to me . I’ve only just unpacked from being on tour for , basically 14 months . I’M HOME . IT’S SUMMER . I’M GONNA GET NEKKID AND SPILL
BBQ SAUCE ALL OVER MYSELF , JUMP INTO A RIVER , BLASTING AC/DC FROM MY CRAPPY BOOMBOX , HOLDING TIGHT TO MY ICE COLD FREAKIN’ BEER WHILE I PROCLAIM ” HALLE-FRIKKIN’-LUJAH!!!!! ” INTO THE HOT, LAZY SUNLIT SUMMER-NESS OF AUGUST .

Can I get a boo-ya? Thank you .

OK , news :
How do you like the new look of our MySpace ?!
Thanks to my incredibly talented friend Phoenix ,
and , of course , Webdaddy .

THE BALLS PLAY THEIR LAST SHOW EVER….. until next year .
Next Saturday , August 18th at the Wonder Ballroom . Come in
your summer duds and sweet little outfits and sweat em’ off with
your Balls before we get tucked away for a long while .

Please enjoy your Summer like a drunk kid with everything to live for and nothing to lose …and HALLE-FRIKKEN-LUJAH!!!

See you out there ,
xoStorm

I am home and free from needing to get in the car again for a LONG time . My POOR BUTT!!! I love road trips and all , but I have surely had my fill for a spell . Now I’m home and gearing up for the Fall , and Cabaret. I’m nervous , but excited at the completely unique challenges this will
pose . I’m used to seat of my pants , wild and spontaneous free form living and performing…. but now , I’m headed into a regimented , semi strict routine for the next couple of months .

Discipline . Yikes . Usually , for me , discipline is the “D” in “B&D” …. but it’s a whole new challenge here.

I will update you all on my forays into the rehearsal process and the absolute comedy that will be me trying to dance . But right now , I’m going to happily unpack and put my things away with the calm that comes with knowing I won’t have to pack again for a little while . Then I’m going to enjoy my Portland from the squishy seat of my bike . Ah!!

BALLS FANS!

Though we’re off the road for now …we’re still gonna bid a temporary farewell to you all at the Wonder Ballroom on August 18th . Come on out and see what we learned in Canada!

See you out there!
xoStorm

The previous blog about the Windsor gig being canceled has been canceled . So the cancellation of Windsor is now only a canceled blog and post and bulletin , so …I’m saying all this to say that the cancellation has been canceled .

WE WILL ROCK WINDSOR TONIGHT AT THE ROXY AS PREVIOUSLY PLANNED .

I hope this cancellation makes you all happy . ….the cancellation of the cancellation…which I swear will NOT be canceled …. see you in Windsor!

xoStorm

What a great weekend! Saw some old fans , met some new ones …. got to hang with some friends and rock a couple of big fields full of Canadian people ..(lightly sprinkled with Americans) . It was so much fun to play with the house band again … what a monster bunch of players …DAY-YUM!! We killed it ….Dilana , of course , kicked much ass as well … she played her new song ” Solid Gold ” , which is a big sweeping rock anthem with a touch of middle eastern melody and pounding guitars . It shows off her massive voice better than any song I’ve heard from her so far . It’s so funny if you’ve never seen her in person…. I imagine it could be pretty stunning to hear this humongous voice come surging out of her itty bitty body . She’s just awesome . And I never watched Rockstar INXS , ( Hell , I haven’t even watched the show I was on…) But , I must say , Susie , Ty and Marty are amazing performers , singers and people ….and darn sexy , too , if I may say so… I had a blast getting to know them .

So now we’re done with the shows , had our after party with much debauchery, vodka and hysterical laughter…I’m glad I don’t have to sing until Wed… I’m a bid raspy today , to say the least . All the Americans have left except for me . Ty is off to play NYC , Susie is finishing up her stint on “We Will Rock You” in Toronto , then start her tour to support her new record , and Marty is headed back into the studio to work on his next album , Lil D is headed back into the studio in LA as well .

Me ? I rest , relax , and wait patiently for my Balls to arrive . I talked to Davey yesterday , and they were already in Fargo ND !! They were completely freaking delirious . I told them to stop and get some sleep ….they finally did , in Madison Wis. Those crazy bastards drove for 30 hours straight!! Davey told me this morning that they are back on the road and about 8 hours from Toronto…I can’t wait to see them !!! I MISS MY BALLS!!!

I’ll keep you all abreast and a thigh on what the what’s happnin’ . Stay tuned .
xoStorm

Wowsers , It’s so hard to pack for a month when you know you and all your stuff will be smooshed, not in a van , not in a bus , not on a plane….not even in a trailer…but a car (!) with you and your balls and all of THEIR stuff . Thank GOD I’m the only girl!

I’m so excited to see The House Band and Dilana and (I hope…) Lukas , up in Toronto next
week ! Also in the house will be Susie , Ty and Marty from the first Rockstar . Too frickin’ cool !

What a great few shows My Balls and I just had , though ! I don’t know where to begin thanking everyone for coming out , helping out , and my amazing birthday roses and gift certificate ….you guys are the best fans EVER!

Ladylike is still kicking much booty on Itunes and cdbaby …I hope you all are enjoying it and spreading the dirty word ! I love it , but I’m more excited to start production on Side Two! Stay tuned….

So Canada , here we come ! A sweaty , cramped car full of Balls…rolling up to stretch ourselves out across your clean and lovely country , your stages… and your sons and daughters . Check the calendar for when we’ll be in your town , batten down the hatches , grab a drink and some hand sanitizer….here we come!!!

xoS

I’m only home for a few days before I go to Canada for a month . Now , it looks as though , when I get back from Canada , my manager and I will be off to the Philippines for an Uno Magazine party . Man ! I did the math while in New Zealand and I figured out that since I was on RSSN a year ago , I have been home about eight weeks total . I love my job , and I’m used to living out of a suitcase but WHAT A CRAZY YEAR! It’s been mad , but every day I Thank God for all my ups and downs and twists and turns that keep me on my toes and alive . In these few days that we are home , I’m trying to get all my home things done ; bills , family , BBQs, graduations , phone calls …catching up with my homelife …before I finish all my laundry and pack it all up again for another tour .

Today is my twenty year high school anniversary . I thought I would go , but … then I remembered how much I HATED high school . The more I thought about it , the sillier it seemed to fly out across the country for 36 hours to try to relive some slice of my childhood that left me scarred and hateful . Um , no thank you . I’m really looking forward to my big show tomorrow , however ( Sun. 6/17) for NW Pride . Thousands of festive folks out only to celebrate . Gay Pride …. always such a great audience …those people know how to PAR-TAY !

So , the PDXposed segment I did the other day with Women Build/Habitat for Humanity , was super cool . Sadly , I only got to hammer in about ten nails …tell a bunch of stupid jokes and disrupt everyone’s work day so they could show me how to not get killed while roofing . (Studly work…roofing..) I mostly just interviewed people and filmed stuff . Habitat for Humanity is a great organization and I’m so honored they allowed me to slow down their work for a few hours so I could learn a thing or two , and then share it with everyone . I will let you know when the segment airs .

Speaking of PDX-posed , I also got to shoot a music segment for them the following evening . As it happens , my good friend and former housemate , Lukas Rossi was in Portland to play his post “Rockstar” solo material . Touring with his lovely wife , bad ass tour manager and a great keyboardist , Lou Dawson (sp?) , travelling in a truck with a trailer, my boy Looky is on the road all old school , and it suits him . He looks great and his new songs are amazing ! His EP , “Love And Lust” is just 4 acoustic numbers ,a quick listen but SO worth it. They’re all very soulful and haunting with a sweet pop sensibility ….such good writing . If you get a chance to see him solo on this trip , do it!! I love that boy , and I was really happy to see him and his Lady Kendra happy and doing well on the road . I hope to hook up with them again in Canada this July .

Meanwhile sales of “Ladylike , Side One ” are rockin’ on CDBaby , (Thanks everybody!) and my Balls and I are off to the High Dive in Seattle , Wed. 6/20 and The Grove in Bend , Sun 6/24 to celebrate the records’ release , before we attack our allies to the North .

That’s all I’ve got right now … more later when I have a moment to collect my thoughts again .

See you out there !
xoStorm

Back in PDX baby !!! So good to be home again . We’re still struggling with the time difference …right now , in NZ , it’s five hours earlier….and tomorrow . Ugh .

So sorry for the tardy blog , folks. We had a BEEEATCH of a time getting online in the Southern Hemisphere ….a small price to pay for the amazing time we all had . Davey kept a damn good journal of events as they occurred…(He’s so damn good , that one…)So his blog will have all the juicy details of our trip down undah. Firstly : BIG THANKS to Doug at Chivalry who made everything happen …and I mean EVERY. THING . He’s a burly kiwi whose huge heart is barely contained in his massive body….hugging him is like hugging a piano …I love hugging him … besides being a lovely human , he makes me feel petite . Also , a big thanks to the most beautiful girl in New Zealand : Chantelle . Good God , people . She’s an ass kicking half Maori half Italian head turning GODDESS. Me and the Balls went all giggly around her…We all developed crushes but I was the only one who got to wrestle with her . A pretty dumb idea , in retrospect , since she used to fight competitively and could probably put me in a wheelchair with one eyelid…but she smelled soooo goooood .

And , of course , I have to thank all the fans in Auckland and Christchurch …and the crazy bunch who flew in from Oz to catch some Balls … we had a blast with you and can’t wait to come and do it all over again .

As most of you know , “Ladylike , Side One” came out while we were abroad , what you may NOT know is it was the top ten seller on CD baby it’s debut week ! So cool ! Thanks to all who’ve bought it so far , I hope you love it . I can’t wait to get side two in the can and get that out as well …along with another Balls record we’ve been wanting to do .

Presently , I am coffee-ing up to head to the Women Build site to help finish building a house for Habitat For Humanity . I volunteered to help do this for my pals over at PDX-posed and I am stoked . I’m a little scared , too … I’ve been wielding a microphone for fifteen years and during that time , I’ve picked up a hammer only to win an argument or two….for that purpose , hammers are great .

I’ll let you know how it goes today , if I haven’t smashed my typing hand ….or lost an argument .

xoS

There have been some interesting arguments going on about my album cover picture . Mostly there is a positive response to the irony and humor , but some would rather a more commercially viable image that the mainstream could feel comfy about buying . There are excellent points on both sides….but it’s time for me to chime in .

Yes , I get called hot , I get called beautiful , sexy … all that …and you know what ? I love it . Why ? Because that’s ALL I EVER wanted to be . It is all I prayed for when I was a fat , punk rock , lonely lonely young girl in a small town . Here’s a sample of some internal dialogue …(the echoes of which are still pinging about in my scull , some twenty plus years later…) ” If I could just shut up…or be quiet ….” , ” If I could just NOT EAT…” , ” If I looked like _______…” , ” If only ______ would just LIKE me “…To name just a few … but those internal sound bites would be followed with …”THEN , maybe, I could be happy .”(I know for most of the girls and women reading this , these are not particularly unique or rare thoughts .)

Surprised ?

Suffice to say … I did not stop eating or look like so-and-so or EVER shut up . Thus , it is firmly entrenched in my nature to not take the easy way….it was never an option , thus has never been my style. Yes , I’ve been blessed in SO MANY WAYS in my life . Compared to some , my whole existence has been a dang cake walk . However , when it comes to my album cover … I took a LOT of lumps to make it happen . I’m sure I’ll take more lumps when it comes out ..and all things being equal here : Why not show my lumps ? Not the fergilicious ” Humps”… but hard earned, ugly ass lumps . I won’t moan and whine about it or drag around a chain of sorrow and difficulty for all to marvel at my ability to overcome …stare at my feet on stage and act miserable . That’s not me either . I have come a long way to get to the point where I am pretty joyful about who and what I am .

So now I’m kinda hot (a cruel trick of nature to get me all gorgeous just in time to start deteriorating with age …. oh well …..)Regardless of my present appearance no one has ever handed me anything . (except one time, on a dare ,I flirted a quart of oil away from a young gas station attendant….) I have busted my ass in an industry that told me to start lying about my age when I was twenty fucking seven years old , told me to drop 15 pounds and not to sing about nasty things or sing so well (it’s intimidating…) and truthfully , I’m not totally unscathed by my forays in this business … but I’m still working , rocking , touring ……..AND smiling … I win .

I would not be honoring myself if I did the soft focus , controlled environment , sexy in YOUR way imagery . That stuff has it’s place and can be amazing ( Laura Domela…I’m talking to YOU …) But this is my album , a small disc of my guts with my face on it …consider the album title …consider who I have always , unapologetically been .

Folks get uncomfortable , good . Our society puts way too much emphasis on comfort and convenience . It makes us all soft like mewling veal calves . It’s not my job to make you comfortable …leave that to Enya and Kenny G…you and I are s’posed to jump in the pit , arm and arm , get knocked around by other humans , love like children , fuck like animals , to eat , stink , feel and live. It is beautiful , but it’s not always pretty .

I wonder if Andrew W.K. got any shit for his album cover ?

xoStorm